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The Condom Broke

By Angela

I still get chills when I think about how quickly my life could have changed. I was 17 and it was my first time having sex. I thought I was being responsible and doing everything right.

I waited until I was with someone I thought I loved. We talked about it before it happened. We planned. We waited until his parents were out of town and had their house to ourselves. We used a condom.

So far so good, right? However, I wasn’t prepared for how difficult it would be, and how much it would hurt. The condom just seemed to add to the problem. I realize now I should have gotten the lubricated kind, but when you are buying these things for the first time, you don’t know what to look for. It’s embarrassing to even be in that part of the drugstore. You feel like everyone who walks by looks at you knowingly. I look really young for my age, and I imagined people were wondering what this kid was doing, buying condoms.

So here we are, trying to have sex, but it’s not really working. It hurts and my boyfriend is getting really frustrated with me. I wanted to stop, but we had planned it for so long. I should have just told him to stop, but I was feeling guilty for some reason. Like I was letting him down. That was stupid, I know now.

That’s when he gets his bright idea. He goes in the bathroom and gets some Vaseline. I know I have heard somewhere that you are not supposed to use Vaseline with condoms, but I can’t remember why. I thought maybe it was because it was so oily that it would irritate the delicate skin. But he convinced me to try it. And it worked…and we had sex. It worked…that is, until we were done and realized the condom had a great, big rip in it!

I panicked. I freaked. My boyfriend was no help at all. Basically he was panicked too, but he made me feel like it was my fault. That if I was pregnant, his life would be ruined. His life! I got upset and left his parents’ house in tears. I was on my own. I remember my whole life flashing before my eyes. How my plans for university might never happen. How disappointed my parents would be if I turned out to be pregnant. How stupid I would feel. How everyone would think that I did a dumb thing.

I know I was getting ahead of myself. I know that there was a chance that I wasn’t going to get pregnant. And even if I did end up that way, I could consider an abortion. But I was afraid. And the thought of having a scary medical procedure all by myself did nothing to dispel my fear. I was raised Catholic, so my parents would strongly disapprove of that if they ever found out. And besides, weren’t they expensive?

When I got home, I did what I always do when I need to find something out. I went online. Thank goodness for the internet! I had heard something about a “morning after pill” one time from a friend of mine, but it sounded too good to be true. But I found out that emergency contraceptive pills do exist, and better yet, I didn’t even need a doctor’s appointment where I live. I could get it from the pharmacist at the drugstore.

I went and got the pills. They were kind of expensive – close to $40, but it was nothing compared to my other option! I took one right away and one in 12 hours. They made me feel sick for a couple of days. My mother thought I had stomach flu, and I felt so guilty lying to her. But I kept thinking it probably was not nearly as bad as morning sickness would feel. And at least it was over soon. I have never been so grateful to get back to my normal, boring life.

Since that time, a lot has changed. I broke up with that guy, and decided to wait a little while before having sex again. I realize now that I didn’t know as much about birth control as I thought I did, and I wasn’t really ready to have sex, on many levels. Next time I did it I was much more prepared!

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