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Sexual Health Centre
Sexual Expression |
Learning about Your
Sexual Self
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What do you need
to know or feel about your partner before you have sex?
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Self-respect is the foundation
of sexual health and of healthy sexual
relationships. All people are sexual and it is normal and healthy for
women to have sexual desires. It is also normal and healthy to not want
to do some things even if the world around you suggests that 'everybody'
is doing it. Respect your body's desires and your own ability to make good
decisions.
Sexual choices have consequences.
Some of the most difficult choices you ever make will be about sex. Your
choices may shape your:
- social relationships
- relationship with your family
- future lifestyle
- experience of emotions like
love and trust
There is a lot riding on your
decisions, so you have to make sure that you chose what you really want.
If you're not sure about a relationship or if you don't want to do something
sexually - wait. Human sexuality has many physical, emotional and mental
elements. Ideally all three are leading you to the same decisions, but in
the real world, things may not be that neat. Give yourself time to work
through conflicting desires; this is an important part of self-respect.
Don't let other people make your decisions, if they respect you, they'll
wait too.
Because it can be difficult
to make decisions in the 'heat of the moment,' think about what you want
in advance.
What does
it mean to you to have sex?
Our culture gives women and men
very mixed messages about sex. We are often taught that we must be in love
to have sex. We may also be taught that having sex is an important part
of being an adult, or that sex proves we are desirable. Sex can be about
all of these things, or it may not involve any of them. What do you think
the purpose of sex should be?
- Does a sexual relationship
also involve other social and emotional commitments?
- Can it be casual, just a
way to learn about yourself or release physical tension?
- What do you need to know
or feel about your partner before you have sex?
There is no 'right' way to answer
these questions, but it is important to be honest with your partner about
what having sex means to you. Honest communication is one of the essential
parts of a healthy sexual relationship.
It is often very painful when two people have not thought about and discussed
what they expect sex to mean. What you want out of a sexual relationship
may change at different stages of your life.
What are your
sexual interests and limits?
You are entitled to sexual pleasure
but you need to decide what is pleasurable and appealing to you. If you
respect yourself, you will not 'put up' with activities that hurt or embarrass
you. Think about your fantasies. If you are already sexually active, remember
what activities you have enjoyed in the past. What you enjoy may change
over time. Be ready to talk to your partner about what you enjoy and what
you don't. Finding sexual activities that are enjoyable for both partners
is an important part of a healthy sexual
relationship.
Explore your
Own Sexual Responses
Each woman enjoys different things
sexually. Some women like having their clitoris rubbed; others find it is
too sensitive to be touched directly. You can explore your sexual responses
with a partner but you can also learn about your responses by masturbating.
Some women don't enjoy masturbating
or don't believe they should do it because of their religious beliefs.
Other women use masturbation to explore how they like being touched. This
is particularly useful for women who are not
reaching orgasm with their partner. Learning how your body responds
can help you relax and enjoy sex. It also gives you information to teach
your partner about what you like.
Some of this information was
derived from the Planned Parenthood's Foundation's, A
Woman's Guide to Sexuality.
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