Dealing with Loss

If you experience a complicated pregnancy, you may feel loss for many reasons.

Loss of a "Normal Pregnancy"

You may feel a sense of loss and grief because you have lost the experience of a “normal” pregnancy. The media portrays pregnant women as happy, healthy and glowing. If your pregnancy is not like that, you may have to adjust your expectations. A sense of grief is a normal feeling experienced by many women.

A Baby that Needs Special Care

If complications have occurred during your pregnancy, you may also be experiencing other, greater losses. Your child may need special care, and it may be many months, if ever, before your experience of parenting is what you anticipated. Feeling grief over losing this experience doesn't mean you don't love your baby or that you are not a good parent. Here is some information about coping if your baby is receiving intensive care.

The Death of a Child

If you have a miscarriage or lose a child after birth, the first thing you and your partner will likely feel is shock. Then feelings of anger, loneliness, emptiness, guilt and fear may start to surface. A sense of isolation is common and parents may have little energy for the other members of their family. Remaining children, whose grief is sometimes forgotten, find themselves alone in their sorrow. Grandparents, often called on for support, suffer grief over losing a grandchild and watching their own child's pain. At times, other family issues, such as financial concerns or marital problems, complicate grief.

With time, family members learn to live with this loss and go on with their lives. According to the Bereaved Families of Ontario, other bereaved parents suggest:

• talking openly to each other about how you feel
• sharing your sense of loss with a supportive individual or group
• reading about bereavement
• minimizing stressful situations whenever possible
• taking one day at a time

Associations of bereaved families across the country and other organizations offer grief support groups. Most hospitals have a social work department that can help you find support and other resources. In many areas, there are specialized support groups for families who have lost an infant or had a miscarriage.

For more information on miscarriage, please see our article on pregnancy loss.

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